The Thoughts of a College Student

Sometimes I wonder what all of the thousands of college students are thinking about at this very moment. Are they wondering about their future careers or worried about an upcoming exam or getting ready to go out with their friends this weekend? Or maybe someone is going through a breakup, getting an abortion because they can’t manage college and a child, or thinking about committing suicide.

Every second of every day there are millions of thoughts rampaging in a college student. For me, I’m probably the most neutral-non-thinking student there is. Maybe it’s because of the overwhelming information that’s hit me in the past three weeks or maybe I’m just still adjusting to change.

I recently just switched my major to Communications. And yet, I think I’m probably one of the only students in this major that still have trouble communicating. I’m a second-year student at this college but I’ve been going to college since 2018 and I’m probably going to be the oldest student graduating in my class. Whenever that may be, I still don’t know.

But communicating in person has never really been a talent of mine, per se. I usually have a lot to say but it seems to come more naturally to me when writing it. In person, I get quiet, I stutter, I start to sweat and then I forget which words go with each other. My voice gets all soft and velvety and professors lift their hands to their ears motioning me to speak up.

Or, sometimes, but not most times, I find the courage to speak up. But, it’s usually in classes that are not really what you expect or not really what you think you signed up for. Professors bring up topics about controversial issues and the fear within me to speak diminishes. I think I just like to stick up for what I believe in. But, that’s not always appreciated or reciprocated. The lack of awareness and acceptance of differences of opinions kind of shuts down my capability of speaking. My words are seen as less than and therefore I feel as though there is no reason to speak.

So I write instead. I write about the thoughts of a college student and my emotions that sometimes are too difficult to figure out, and I stick up for what I believe in. Sometimes out loud or in my head.

I switched my major to Communications because, well, English Literature was a bit overrated. I had completed so many courses for the past five years that are so similar that the information bundled up, intertwined, and boredom struck. I love journalism or blogging or whatever this is but I didn’t think there would be much of any of that in English Literature. I didn’t really want to be a teacher or do anything with rhetoric so I left.

I still don’t really know what I’m doing. So, I guess I fit under the ‘thinking about my career’ thoughts of a college student. I’m 22, almost 23 and it seems as though the world, or at least the education system whether public or private, shames students for not knowing what to do after graduation. Or, they encourage you to print out ten resumes and get it reviewed just for your future employers to ask for a electronic resume. Colleges will make you believe that you’ll land a job right out of graduation. But that’s not logical or true. Unless you have worked similar entry level jobs previously or did internships or made connections but if you didn’t do any of that, the likelihood of a job after graduation is slim.

Even if I knew what I wanted to do, which is along the realms of fashion journalism or investigative journalism or poetry, or pretty much anything that has to do with writing, and I landed a job right after graduation, I still don’t think I’d want to work right after college. I think students and young adults need time to just be. Relax. Focus on their health. Read a book that they’ll actually enjoy and wasn’t assigned to them. See their family. I’m not saying don’t have a job but, I’m just saying don’t do too much all at once.

Life seems like it has to be in a structural pattern. You go to Elementary School, then Middle School, then High-School, then College, then do a Master’s Program or go to Graduate School (which is probably a waste of time unless you want to be a doctor/nurse or scientist), and then get a job. Life is more than just working your way up the food chain of success. And even if you reach that success after all of the grades, all of the papers, the scores, the GPAs, the honor roll, you can still be left unhappy.

I currently don’t know what I want to do for sure. I’m just being. A being who goes to college takes courses, learns (sometimes), and tries to pursue something in the end. Not knowing what I’m exactly pursuing, which is totally okay. But when you go to college, people are always in your business. It’s probably the only thing that you can never escape after High School. Remember? Your High School Guidance Counselor? Nagging you your first semester as a Sophomore about which colleges you’ve thought about going to? Yeah, you were probably fifteen or sixteen years old at that time. A fifteen-year-old shouldn’t be thinking about anything except for the present.

In College, the ‘being in your business’ thing doesn’t just go away. I remember last year my RA asked me if I had gone to Career Services yet to discuss what job I’d be looking for after graduation. Obviously, I said no because I still did not know what I wanted to do. Suddenly, my RA’s demeanor changed and they were a bit worried and concerned and said I should go so that I’m not lost after college…

I never talked to them again. I did though, do a survey for the Career Services on my campus and filled out all of my interests and later it told me what jobs would suit me. Unfortunately, I am not interested in being a molecular biologist and that was basically one of the suggestions given to me after taking this survey.

It seems as though when we’re younger, everyone makes college out to seem like this place where you’ll develop and grow and learn about who you are. Instead, you learn about what you’re not. I’m not 100% sure about what I’m doing, not everything’s about me (even though College is supposed to help build your understanding and develop your knowledge in a certain area of study of your choosing), and I’m not like most students.

I don’t have everything planned for the exact moment or date or year in my life. I don’t have a retirement fund even though probably 50% of the college I go to do, I don’t have funds for courses being taught in different countries, I’m also not sporty, or else I’d get an offer to be a basketball player at a prestigious college, I’m not 100% sure on my faith like almost 99% of the people at my college. I’m not sure of a lot of things and I’m not able to do a lot of things.

But that’s ok. And if you’re like me, who has basically no idea what they’re doing or don’t go to college and still don’t know what they’re doing, that’s okay. Don’t listen to the people who don’t know you at all. People don’t know how to mind their own business. The only person in charge of your life and in control of your destination is you.

So, that’s pretty much it currently. Those are some of my current thoughts as a current college student. It’s only week three, coming up on week four, and there are so many things in my mind that if I did not write them, my body would collapse. Writing is like a tool for me, like a pen or a pencil in a classroom, it unleashes thousands of thoughts daily and helps me learn more about who I am, what I want, what I need, and what drives me.

So maybe, I’ll go to career services sometime this year and ask them, “What job can I get that allows me to be 100% my true and genuine self while being able to write purely as me?” And you know what they’ll probably say?

“Think of…doing something else.”

But I won’t.